May 2012
6 posts
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Texts From Bennett: The Novel
textsfrombennett:
I am officially writing/compiling the Texts From Bennett novel! It will be 99% new texts and several very hilarious, epic, stories about my Cousin Bennett. And a few surprises too!
Gallery Books / Simon&Schuster Publishing! 2013!
I’m embarrassed that I follow this blog and I’m embarrassed that I’m now reblogging something from this blog, but…...
Anonymous asked: happy mothers day . Your mom should have swallowed you.
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Um?
My friend told me that he texted a girl he slept with (a mere three months ago) asking if she wanted to hang out again (three months later; great guy) and she responded saying she had a boyfriend and they were very happy together.
“A boyfriend.”
“Happy together.”
I’m sorry? She found a person to wife her up. With whom she is HAPPY. In three months.
…
Did...
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I ran into someone I haven’t seen in years the other day and he asked me what was going on and I responded “oh… soooo much” in a weird, affected, sigh-like manner. And I had every intention of beginning to tell this person every minuscule detail of how shitty and frustrating and irritating my life and almost every person (including, and perhaps, most importantly, myself)...
April 2012
8 posts
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“I’m serious, she concluded, speaking from the heart: Don’t let...”
– marquez, memories of my melancholy whores
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Anonymous asked: I love your freckles and your dumb smirk.
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The new Norah Jones album →
is fantastic… if you’re into music that goes well with or prefaces mid day naps and melancholy reflections.
I am. Deeply.
(No, but seriously. It’s great and you can listen to it for free if you click that link because it’s streaming on NPR. So…)
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LEAVE US ALONE.
Last week I was in LA. Did you guys know I was in LA?
I was.
The day before I left, I saw my ex boyfriend on a street. We haven’t spoken in a while and the last time we did he basically told me we couldn’t be friends because he needed a clear definition between our relationship and his current relationship (??? i don’t know, it was something. he said something). I’d...
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March 2012
10 posts
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I am sorry
This is so fucking stupid, but there are tears cascading down my face. I cannot stop laughing.
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nobody likes a poor girl. she is just a drag.
Found this book today.
AM ALREADY LEARNING SO MUCH:
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BREATHE STRETCH SHAKE LET IT GO
For the zero people who have asked, I’m on the Cooler Cleanse and today is Day 1.
(and this is a picture of me in a cab with juice 1, because it was clearly very important that I capture my early morning juice induced scowl at inception.)
The first three juices (greens, fruit juice, greens) were so delish but the fourth drink, despite its adorable name - “young” coconut water -...
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Retrospect.
Email to a GF. 9.30.11
In Love.
Realization. 3.17.12
Nope.
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"When your fickle love gets old, no one will care...
Earlier, while I was waiting on line at Equinox for a kale, lettuce and spinach juice (Important: I’m on a diet because I’m going to LA in two weeks), I turned to my left and saw some dude giving another dude a really long hug. They were hugging for between 45 seconds and a minute… which is a really long time for anyone to be doing anything, let alone hugging, let alone two...
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This is the best →
“The only reason a guy is obligated to pay for a woman’s dinner in this day and age is because it’s his turn, it’s her birthday, or because he’s a maître d’ who spilled something on her. Women who feel otherwise are the reason we get paid 89 cents to their dollar.”
WORD.
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Anonymous asked: When someone decides to do a shitty remake of the movie "American Psycho" w/ a female who pouts too much literally & figuratively, it will be a crime if they don't cast you. I go back to your twitter for ha-ha's and you're as vapid as ever. It's always fascinating to read (again) how unique an event it is that someone looked at your bony ass. I never heard of...
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“She was a good one all right, she was a good lay but like all lays after the...”
– Bukowski, Post Office
February 2012
31 posts
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DMX on DRAKE →
“I don’t like his f—-ing voice,” DMX admitted. “I don’t like what he talks about. I don’t like his face. I don’t like the way he walks. Nothing. I don’t like his haircut.”
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FRIDAY NIGHT. WHAT. IS. UP?!
yeah, i’m wearing tights. no, i’m not going out.
AND, WHAT?
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she ain't a killer but she'd fuckin blow your head...
Hey, people that read this blog!
Um, so this.
Have a quick and very important question: WHAT DOES “GOOD BRAINS” MEAN?? Like, blowjobs? Good blowjobs? Or brains, like smarts?
I only have good one of those.
Which is it?
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Anonymous asked: Look at me I'm at the GREEN room of blah blah's shitty talk show, look at me I'm at GREENhouse with famous people and don't know who won the Super Bowl because I want to come off so disconnected yet go to the same places everyone else goes to, look at me I'm in need of GREEN because I'm dumpster diving then showing off my "3 digit coat". Want to guess the...
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i don't want to ever
do anything that involves leaving this bed.i woke up mere MINUTES ago, put on this lipstick… and jumped RIGHT back into bed and now i’m never leaving.
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Handle yourselves.
Guys. Clubbing is gross.
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"So put on mascara and your party dress"
But I saw many poor whom I had supposed to live in affluence. Poverty has in large cities very different appearances. It is often concealed in splendour and often in extravagance.*
I’m in sort of a financial bind. And by bind, i mean… complete shit mess. LOOK AT ME, I’M DUMPSTER DIVING!!
So, I’ve had to start cutting back on things (Some of which I did not even know...
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“Human life is everywhere a state in which much is to be endured and little to be...”
– Samuel Johnson, Rasselas, Prince of Abyssinia
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clean; squeaky
I know I’m - what? five, ten years - late here, but I just did this (I realize I’m writing about it so I shouldn’t be so pathetic, but I’m just going to refer to it as “this”) for the first time.
Like two hours ago.
In true mercedes fashion, there was no rhyme or reason for this decision. The odds of me getting physical with someone in a time frame that...
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important photographic evidence of my mania
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latina girl problemas
i got my eyebrows threaded yesterday and i can’t tell if i look like a bitch because she made this weird arch or because i’m cuban, have my mother’s bad attitude and am pretty much constantly scowling…
EITHER WAY I’M INTO IT!!
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Ultimately, it won't last.
“Maybe you’re right, I say. Ultimately, it won’t last. Relationships end, affairs fall apart. But it doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t have them. It doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t fall crazily in love and live.
Passionate love affairs die hard. They convulse and writhe and agonize till the bitter end. But the bliss and the headiness of love is worth the...
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platinum band platinum bezzie... but you got a...
if someone told me i died and went to heaven last night, i would kill myself right now to get back there.
i do NOT even know where to begin.
first of all, i met my husband last night and he is a black/hispanic version of vincent d’onfrio (I JUST WANT TO BE CRUSHED BY SOMEONE WHILE WE’RE HAVING SEX, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!) and he works the door (or, stands by the door) at...
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Flashbacks of last night of a stranger ballin out.
Something else of great importance happened this weekend, and that is that I went to my cousin’s birthday party (and did not drink!) and ended up taking this girl home (…) because she was so drunk. And because a stranger seems to be the best and natural choice of caretaker for a completely wasted female.
On the way to my apartment she threw up on my Miu Mius and we had to stop the...
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Nails!
I got a gel manicure (you may have seen it in the pic attached to the post about accutane, where I disclose that “I made out with someone in an alleyway”).
Look at it:
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four figure jacket prices
I bought this really expensive (not four figures, please; but still), gorgeous Timo Weiland coat the first(/last) day it got cold in New York and it’s been so mild I’ve worn it less than ten times.
Here’s one time I wore it:
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Anonymous asked: why do you have "max" tattooed on your arm?
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MISS YOU
Like the deserts miss the rain. Literally. I miss drinking alcohol as much as the deserts miss the rain. I miss you, whiskey; I miss you $2 wine from TJs; I miss you anonymous shots from anonymous men at bars (half of which I would have thrown on the floor anyway, but still: MISS YOU!!!); I miss you Modelo beer, which I only drink when I’m blasting Shakira and rearranging the two pieces of...
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We didn't do anything about the cat
I have an unspeakable obsession with words describing women crying.
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"SUMMERTIME IS NICE AND HOT"
Let me get this straight… I’m supposed to pretend to hate this genius’ music??
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THE GIRL ON THE FRIDGE
Just read this collection of stories called The Girl on the Fridge by Etgar Keret.
They’re weirdly violent (not my fave. well… violent sexual intimacy), creepy, unsettling,and at times (simultaneously) heartbreaking and heartbreakingly romantic, but they all display a deep allegiance to portraying honest human emotion, regardless of how fantastical or dark the subject.
AND I LOVE...
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