September 2011
55 posts
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a guy: i like watching sports on sunday and not hanging out with people (this is summarized) me: … mmm. i like having sex on sundays. (verbatim)
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Hmmm... Roughly around when I started drinking...
I’m wising up about dudes and the various dude stuff that I need to wise up about. But, a few weeks ago, when I was in LA, I wasn’t on my game at all and ended up mildly hooking up with this dude I thought liked me (who CLEARLY didn’t).
Turns out, he didn’t/doesn’t because he never texted me after I left and apparently he was in New York the week after I got...
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Never felt older or less cool
*I walk outside because of an incredibly pungent scent of marijuana wafting into the hallway when I open the door to collect the mail and find a teenage boy sitting on the TOP step of my boss’ stoop*
me: heeeeeeey, is that you smoking pot? teenage boy, alone: oh… no. t h a t ’ s m y f r i e n d. me, staring at teenage boy, alone: uh huh. ok. um. well, sorry… i...
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"Couture level flow is never going on sale"
You know those features in shitty magazines where they ask some cool, hip chick “what’s in your bag?” and then they take a photo of all the cool, hip shit that’s in her really expensive purse and include some pithy statements about what each thing is and/or why she likes it. It usually looks a little like this:
1. Dior sunglasses: I just love these so much; my best friend...
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ugh, women. →
File Under: Sweeping Generalizations Made About the Opposite Gender to Comfort the Bitter, the Lonely, the Self Pitying.
Give me a break. If not all women are bitches, then not all guys are assholes.
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today is my birthday.
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What I want for my birthday.
Last year on my birthday, my then (sort of ex) boyfriend (THIS guy) told me I was bipolar!!! I don’t know what’s in store for me this year, but I am more than excited to find out if I’ve acquired any other mental health disorders in the past year.
Also, last year on my birthday, I didn’t get any gifts. I mean, unless you count the crude psychoanalysis from my charlatan...
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A guy who works at rag & bone called me “charmingly dismissive” earlier today. I’ve never been so flattered. Or proud of myself.
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fashion foreword
I wore this outfit today and some chick photographed me for her style blog and then FIVE other people told me they liked my outfit and that I looked cute and adorable.
but no one asked me to be their girlfriend…
UGH. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN WINTER COMES AND I HAVE TO COVER UP MAH BODIE??!! HOW WILL I EVER FIND SOMEONE TO LOVE ME???
that’s it.
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SHIT YEAR
You guys all missed the Q&A, but still…
Everyone go see SHIT YEAR - it’s at the IFC center now. It’s an incredible, mind-blowingly beautiful film. And my boss is in it. And she is fantastic.
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WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT?
Hold on.
Wait.
Did anyone (/everyone. 19 million bajillion people. jesus christ) watch 2 Broke Girls the other night? (if not, here) Ok.
SO APPARENTLY THAT’S NOT A LAUGH TRACK?
I’m torn between being embarrassed for the people who think we are dumb enough to believe this and (actually believing there is no laugh track and) being embarrassed for the people who laughed at all those...
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Somewhere in New Mexico
Somewhere in New Mexico, I accidentally drove off of Route 66 onto this dirt road - which, for about 25 minutes I believed was still Route 66 - and into someone’s driveway/general property area (Well, for all I know the entire 25 minute drive was this person’s driveway; I was going 7 miles an hour. You WOULD. NOT. BELIEVE the … shittiness of this terrain.) at which point I was...
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FINITE.
it’s giving me a sick amount of pleasure imagining the amount of time and effort it took my ex boyfriend to come up with the sentence “I’ll dig it up and throw it in the package.”
It’s so beautifully apathetic and disdainful, i can’t handle it.
Dig. Throw.
Like he’s a dog and my jacket is some filthy toy he’s misplaced. He’ll dig it...
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look! i got glasses*
Aren’t they cute? I have perfect vision and there is a pretty serious prescription in them, but I figured what else am i going to do with this $75???!?
*look, also, at my bathroom. :’(
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is everyone talking about how embarrassing this... →
How you gonna call me (“me”…. not ME… because this is some bullshit and I don’t need to be DIRECTED on how to love a boy) a “BITCH” four fucking times and expect me 1. to take this seriously (I don’t) and/or 2. to listen to anything you are saying or writing ever again (I’m not; I won’t) and 3. TO BE ANYTHING BUT COMPLETELY INSULTED BY...
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"i have to tell you something really important...
so, today I went to a psychic.”
But, actually. Today I went to a psychic and among other very interesting and astute observations and predictions and things, she told me “You’ve already met your sexual soulmate” and continued to ruin my life by adding “He’s no good for you.”
I don’t know what this means or, more importantly, who she means....
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workin' on ma fitness
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XY
I don’t go around saying that I’m pretty or thin or cool or smart or, anything, really. I never say anything nice about myself. I hate myself. But, if there is one thing I do think about myself, it’s that I’m funny.
I think I think I’m funnie. I like to think that; I think other people think that. I’ve had some positive reinforcement of this opinion.
So,...
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Met this person in Austin
Got so excited when I saw his tattoo because I wanted to ask “Do you really like gas?” Because I’d been traveling for five or six days and I was tired and giddy (and also I’d seen a lot of Shell Gas Stations) and that was something that made me laugh out loud privately, in public.
I’m not sure if I actually asked him but I just found this picture and am really...
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I'm going to stop letting people hurt me now.
I just recently made the decision to freeze both of my ex boyfriends out of my life, because I can’t deal with their bullshit.
And by “their bullshit” I mean “their girlfriends”.
I mean, I don’t really mean that, I mean “their bullshit.” But, I’m going to pretend like I mean “their girlfriends” so if anyone gets mad, we can...
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my cousin: i would have felt like we needed to hang out with [guy who brought us to super fancy party] all night… me: mmmhm, yeah. you know who else felt like that? [guy who brought us to super fancy party].
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I Have NO Comment.
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What I did in Austin.
When I was in Austin, I hung out with these two lovely people I met on the street (like I did everywhere, because I was a lonely pup) and at some point at the end of the night, we went to this bar/club place that my taxi driver had told me had sharks underneath the dance floor. Naturally, I tried my best to avoid this place all evening because I hate places with wildlife and dance floors.
But,...
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have you guys ever seen an angel before?
now you have.
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this is the bag from the previous post →
about my birthday
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HELP.
Last last winter I got SO FUCKIN’ FAT. It was actually a problem and I’m a lil embarrassed to just drop this number like it’s hot right now, but I have to be clear about the gravity of the situation.
I weighed one hundred and forty pounds. 100lbs+40lbs. 140. pounds.
I am five foot four. I should weigh 120 pounds MAXIMUM. I weighed one hundred and forty mother fucking pounds.
...
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look at this fuckin' cow
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heaven
i want to drive here and have sex with someone on this road.
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found this draft of an email today.
THIS IS ADDRESSED TO SOMEONE. A REAL LIVE PERSON.
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New Orleans: then I did these two things...
1.
This photo is named:
2.
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New Orleans: these things happened, too
I posed like this:
Then like this, with some people:
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Day 5, New Orleans.
I saw this little kitty in someone’s yard in the 9th ward in New Orleans.
Can you tell how little it is? I needed to get out.
I got out of my car to touch this little thing and then to take pictures and when I looked up after god knows how long (there was a fence separating us, it was difficult to… get at it) I noticed that there was an entire family sitting and standing around...
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Day 4, Nashville/Memphis
I don’t have any pictures from anywhere in Tennessee because someone tried to kill me in that state.
Someone tried to carjack me in Memphis - which I actually didn’t understand was a thing (or, I guess, a thing people did) until three days later when I was watching the news and saw a story about some woman who had the exact same thing happen to her. And the guy who successfully...
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Day 3: This all happened in Kentucky
I got to Lexington, Kentucky and stopped off to sleep.
Asked between ten and twenty people where to get good fried chicken in Kentucky.
Was told KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN by somewhere between ten and twenty people.
Was called a SPIC by a very large white man wearing a tank top, dining in at a gas station.
Met some dudes who said I could chill with them.
Got wasted with some dudes at an $8 all...
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Day 2
The only way I could be more embarrassed by this photo is if I remember what happened before and after this photo was taken.
This is in a cavern in West Virginia, called Organ Cavern. I went on a tour of this cave because I saw a sign for it while I was driving down some back ass road and it seemed inappropriate.
When I got there, there was no one else there so the really nice woman working...
