mercedes delusive.

insolent toddler princess.


Cake Boss

Yesterday I baked a cake because it was Monday. I am crazy. it was Monday. - I have no idea why I baked a cake yesterday, but I did. (I have no idea why I do anything I do, really.)

I haven’t baked a cake or cooked a single thing (aside from one random night at midnight I made an incredibly unappealing pot of pasta that I picked at for three days and then threw away pretty much in its entirety) in this apartment (or any apartment) ever, but last night I was like, Yo, let me whip up a cake right now. (That’s how I speak in my daily life.)

So I did. Because, for another crazy reason, I happen to have boxes of cake mix lying around, despite the fact that I do not cook and I do not like cake. I also have boxes and boxes of pasta and rice and various other groceries I haven’t the slightest idea how to cook and have even less interest in learning how to cook… LIKE CAKE!!!!!!!!!

The last time i baked a cake was four or five years ago and it was for my then boyfriend (who is ten years older than me) for his birthday. And it was a two layer vanilla cake that I made from scratch - that I made four times from scratch. I messed up the cake three times. I made and remade this birthday cake for my then boyfriend (when i was 18 years old and had no job) four times. I then gave him this cake and planned a (TERRIBLE) surprise party (no one showed up.) and later, after the cake and after the party, he asked what his gift was. SMDH.

(On a scale of 1-10, how over hearing about my relationship with my ex boyfriend in 2005 are you? 11? or 12? I’m coming in around 11. I’m so sorry. But, trust me, I hate myself more than you hate me.)

I think I was appropriately traumatized by this person’s insensitivity and thus haven’t opened an oven since (except to store my shoes and hide my snacks)… until last night!

I nearly set my apartment on fire because I preheated the oven to 500? Or whatever the highest setting is and forgot to take out all of the junk that was sitting in it.

Here’s an absurd picture from a series of even worse pictures I was taking of myself when I started to smell glass and plastic burning. The fact that I was taking a “series of pictures” of me sitting on a couch while, simultaneously, I was trying to carry out a task involving an oven AT ALL is cause for concern (and, also, the cause of a potential disaster.)

…but then I got serious and baked a cake.

Here’s the shittiest thing I’ve ever made:

  1. watchtheblog posted this

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