in my nightmare i was a dog walker and i hate dogs so much and i was married to a cab driver and i hate cab drivers so much and this horrible cab driver husband kept trying to run over one of the dogs i was walking. one, specifically. i don’t know why. they were all horrible, horrible fucking stupid dogs and he could have run them all over and i wouldn’t have given but one shit. but the fact that he wanted to run just one of them over was so annoying so i think i hated him more than i hated the dogs.
but, anyway, so i’m awake now. and it’s so early/late and i’m crying for some reason. (reason being: i’m crazy). and i can’t get back to sleep so i’ve just started thinking of every insane thing i can say tomorrow to this person i’m going to go out with.
and it’s all ridiculous stuff like talking about how much i hate animals and how selfish i am or about how i’ve really been putting myself out there - like every asshole who thinks they are the first person to have a fucking thought has been saying - and how i keep getting rejected by literally every person and other cool talking points along those lines.
and i’m also thinking about how i’m going to over-share (which is, i think, my biggest problem) something totally psychotic accidentally or offend him and i’m not even worried so much about being embarrassed or looking like a crazy person; i’m worried about losing the opportunity to make out with someone.
because god only fucking knows when that opportunity will present itself again.
my friend invited a friend of his out to dinner with us one day last week and it wasn’t a date but it sort of was a maybe date, or like a you guys could go on a date after this first non date thing. i think.
in any case, the guy was good looking and nice - not my type, but by objective standards, good looking and nice. since i wasn’t into him i guess i really had no reason or right to ask my friend this, but i did anyway. i asked him what his friend thought of me and he said he hadn’t spoken to him. this was two days after that dinner. so, obviously he hated me.
but then i talked to my friend again and my friend was like, he was definitely into you physically but i don’t know… your personality, i don’t know if he was into your personality.
oh my god. no one has ever been nasty to me on the internet before. i imagine this is only the beginning. this is interesting and exciting in the worst possible way.
to answer the question: i just embody everything everyone hates without having any disabilities.
thank you for checking and not assuming.