I’ve been living in my new apartment for 13 days and Monday night was the first (and only) night I’ve slept here alone.
I slept like this
which is - as you can see - a bullshit way to sleep. It was barely sleep, it was like a party I wasn’t invited to or made aware of was going on in my body… silently fucking me.
The only difference between Monday night and the other twelve nights I’ve slept here was the obvious one - no physical body - so I can only deduce that I have a severe case of separation anxiety disorder and am incapable of performing even the most basic and natural of functions alone. (YEY!)
Luckily, that is not the point of this. The point is: THIS APP!
A person that I used to very infrequently share a bed with told me about this app and if he gave me nothing else (he gave me nothing else), I will be forever grateful and practically indebted to him for dropping this knowledge on me.
I don’t really care to explain it (or really, know how) but basically it tracks how you sleep and wakes you up (within a half hour period) when you aren’t in your deep REM sleep. This is supposed to make waking up less annoying and more pleasant etc etc blah blah.
And, like, say what you will about the deep REM sleep/ calculations/ tracking/ whatever - I’d probably think it was all bullshit (too?) if I had any access to logical thought - but in addition to that, it also has an absolutely delightful library of tunes that make waking up a fucking dream.
I promise you, it is like an angel is nudging you (in the gentlest possible way) awake with a feather on a hammock made of clouds in the sky.
I don’t know you, but you definitely need this app. And if this isn’t enough impetus for purchase, consider that it also has the wildly inane and self indulgent option for you to EMAIL your SLEEP STATS to someone!!! Consider that.
It’s a dollar ninety nine - don’t tip your barista, buy a smaller coffee, rob someone - it’s worth it, I promise you. And if it’s not, I’ll come sleep in your bed with you to keep you company* (because no one actually likes sleeping alone, right??!).
*only if you have AC. and a king size bed. and aren’t mean.